I Just Wasn't That Into It

I went to the pictures with my mot the other night. Being the gentleman I am, I let her choose what film we went to. We ended up watching a yoke called He's Just Not That Into You. I assumed it would be a big pile of shite and, long story short, it was. The opening scene showed a little girl in a playground.(Women in cinema: "Awww!") A young fella comes over, calls her a poo head or something and pushes her over. She goes off crying to her mammy and her mammy tells her that the boy pushed her "because he likes you!" To which the little girl pulls a confused face and the whole cinema bar a few bewildered boyfriends breaks into thunderous laughter. Now that's clearly not funny. I can only assume that this is something that happens to every girl at that age and their mirth was triggered by the nostalgic value of the scene. If that is the case I would suggest to the writers that they could make it equally appealing to both genders by changing the young one's response from a puzzled expression to "Oh right. Remember Dan bars? And The Shoe People? They were brilliant weren't they? Where's my space hopper?"

Isn't it gas that we haven't heard anything about global warming recently now that we have real problems? All those bored housewives who were lobbying the government to "Please, think of the children" are now too worried about their banker husbands being thrown in jail (finger's crossed) to bother anymore. I remember, only a few years ago, if we had a good summer or a bad winter people would just say "Isn't it a lovely/miserable (delete as appropriate) day out" and that would be the end of it. Now it's a bigger threat to the world than nuclear war and it's all our fault for spraying deodorant and using the wrong light bulbs. That may not be true but I couldn't be bothered looking it up. I've better things to do than worry about whether Eskimos are getting a tan or not. Sorry, this is getting a bit serious. How many midgets can you fit in a phone box? I reckon ten, realistically. Or 30 if you liquidised them.

I'm going to have to wrap this up because I'm getting very hungry. Even typing the word "wrap" there made me think of a lovely chicken wrap with some lettuce and tomatoes and lashings of mayonnaise. There's an Aretha Franklin song on the radio and the first thing I thought of was that she plays a cafe owner in The Blues Brothers and that they order two full chickens. That's how hungry I am. I reckon I could eat two full chickens. I was in a similar frame of mind the other night. I went out drinking on an empty stomach. Ended up in MaccyD's at about eleven. Ordered three double cheeseburgers and a portion of curly fries! I managed to get through all of the curly fries and two of the burgers. My girlfriend was asleep when I got home so when I told her I'd brought her home a burger I didn't get much of a response. Falling around the room calling her an ingrate for not showing more interest in my extremely romantic gesture probably didn't help. So now you know why I had to let her choose the film. See yiz after.